Backfired
by Pumpkin Zucchini
Summary: Sanji buys a Love Perfume but it lands in the wrong hands. Shoujo ai.


WARNING: Yuri (NamixRobin)

* * *

Sanji seriously doubted that this so-called "Love Perfume" that the shady looking vendor was advertising would work.

"It'll guarantee t' have the ladies crawlin' aaall over ya. And none of that side affects stuff like guys also goin' after ya. It o_nly _affects th' ladies." the man said.

"Uh huh." Sanji looked at him incredulously.

"Seriously. Though... it'll take a while fer it'ta take affect, y'know? But once it does... bam!"

"Uh huh."

"Aw, c'mon man, just buy it."

Sanji sighed and rolled his eye.

Nevertheless, he purchased the little glass bottle. Hey, it was worth a shot. Sanji placed the bottle in a bag and continued on his way down the street when he happened upon Robin, who was also carrying a shopping bag.

"Robin-chan!! Where's Nami-san? I thought she was with you?" Sanji asked.

"Ah, she went ahead to the ship. I think she has a headache... from when Luffy and Usopp blew up that barrel of baking powder this morning." Robin said.

"Che. I should've known it was because of those two shitty idiots. Allow me to carry that for you, my dear." Sanji took the bag from Robin and the two of them walked back to the harbor where the Sunny was docked.

Once Sanji had unloaded their purchases in their respective cabins, he set to preparing dinner. It was until he was sprinkling pepper on the fish that he remembered the "Love Perfume" he had bought. A lecherous grin spread on his face. Sanji hastily finished cooking the dishes and dashed back to his cabin. He dug through his possessions until he came upon the shopping bag he had placed the bottle in. But the bag...

"Wha- oh, shit!" Sanji's eye widened in horror. He must have accidently switched his bag with Robin's. Which meant...

Later, during dinner, Sanji tried to act as normal as possible as he served the food and held back a hungry Luffy with a foot. He discreetly glanced at Robin. She was mildly chatting with Nami.

"_Shit..._" Sanji thought inwardly as he ladled soup in Usopp's bowl. There was no way to tell if Robin had put on that perfume or not- the bottle didn't have a label and had looked like any generic perfume bottle. Sanji kicked Luffy again. What had that vendor guy said? It would take a while for it to take affect.

The next ten minutes passed without anything odd happening. Sanji flitted nervously in and out of the kitchen. Should he tell Robin? No. Yes. Wait, no. But what if-

Oh dear god _what is Nami doing_?!

Everyone fell silent as they watched Nami leap on top of a very startled Robin and begin sucking on her face.

No one noticed Brook fall back out of his chair in a fountain of blood (even though he had no blood!).

"...Why is Nami attacking Robin?" Luffy asked, unaware of what was really going on.

"Don't know, don't care." Zoro continued eating as if nothing odd was happening.

"Shiiiiit!" Sanji hissed under his breath, clutching his nose in a desperate attempt to keep his blood in his head.

"Woo!" Franky cheered faintly, pumping a fist up, watching Nami pin down Robin with great interest. Usopp had already fainted and was wheezing in horror about something about the end of the world or something like that.

"Naviga-" Robin was cut off as Nami smashed her face down on hers again.

"W-were they always...?" Chopper asked, hiding behind Zoro.

"Don't know, don't care." Zoro repeated. He looked up. "Oi. Ero-cook. Go cook more fish."

Sanji ignored him, unable to tear his eyes away from his Nami-swan, in lack of better terms, sexually harassing his Robin-chwan with loud moans. Robin was unsuccessfully trying to pry Nami off of her, apparently too shocked to use her Devil Fruit powers.

"Neeeh. Nami is so violent." Luffy frowned.

"Luffy, I d-don't think..." Chopper's words trailed off.

"Super..." Franky muttered, his eyes wider beyond normal.

Everyone instinctively flinched as Nami finally unattached herself from Robin and faced all of them. "You guys better leave us alone. Come on, Robin~. Let's go have some privacy~."

"..." Robin stared straight ahead, clearly in shock, as Nami dragged her out the door.

"Yohohoho..." Brook looked up weakly and promptly fell down again.

Sanji plopped down in a chair, his face still bright red. He needed to go buy more of that Love Perfume stuff.

And this time, he'd spray the entire bottle on himself.


End file.
